How would you feel if you heard that everyone in your parents bought each of your siblings a new car…but not you?
What if you walked into a room where everyone was laughing, only to stop when you arrived, and everyone refusing to say what the laughter was about?
What if you found out that everyone, but your child, in preschool was given a gift?
No one likes the ‘everyone but you’ scenario. Unless you are part of the everyone. And even then it is still a little uncomfy. No one likes being excluded. I would also venture to guess most people don’t like to purposefully exclude people.
I got a call while at the gym from Will’s preschool teacher, Mrs. W. One of the other students in class had brought Rice Krispy Treats for the class. Mrs. W wanted to make sure he could have one. Rice Krispy treats sound guileless but they are made with malt flavoring, which is made from barely, which means it is a big fat NO for Will.
While I was thrilled that the teacher called to ask permission, I found myself focused on the frustration that I felt. The frustration seems to stem from two places:
(a) that my child has a world of necessary ‘nos’. I am not against saying no (I’m actually quite fond of boundary setting) but rather that these ‘nos’ are not everyone’s. Not every parent has to say no to Rice Kripsy treats while most say an adamant no to a child’s suggestion of putting a fork in a socket. You get the drift…
(b) that even though I provided a note to each parent, asking them to call me if they were bringing a treat to class, this somehow slipped through the cracks. Situations like this do not need to happen. Had I known I could have easily whipped up some GF Rice Krispy treats so that Will could have one too. So he wouldn’t be left out…
Even I type I realize that I am not making considerations for the other parent. Maybe they never got my note, maybe they forgot my number, or maybe they looked on the box, saw that it didn’t list wheat, and figured it was safe!
I guess, in the end, my frustration really lies with the fact that this exclusion is just the first. It won’t really matter whose fault it is, or what the actual exclusion is…rather that just by nature of Will having Celiac it will happen.
Feeling frustrated and out-of-control doesn’t really work for me. Let’s turn my frown upside down, shall we say! I’m not asking for pity…I’m going to hope that my post today has inspired those of you who read it to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Make yourself more aware of food allergies and intolerances that surround you. Don’t judge (what’s to judge!) or ignore…but figure out how you can work with them. Most parents don’t expect you to work harder (i.e. making gluten-free food) but rather to just give them a heads-up.
Even if it is not with food allergies – there are lots of ways that we exclude others, without even realizing it. Take a second look at something you think you saw right the first time.
(I’m stepping off my high horse now…at least for the time being!)
